Teach Us to Number Our Days

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." James 4:14

It's been almost a year since I last posted anything here. I know. I have a lot of 'splainin' to do. I have a lot of things on my heart that I'm finally ready to share (I think), that will give some clarity to my prolonged absence. 

But the big news is that we had a baby! Our precious little girl, Lottie. She has changed my life in the biggest and best ways in her 3 short months here. I'll share her birth story here eventually. 

I have had a lot of time to think and process as I spend my days taking care of a usually-sweet-but-sometimes-irate newborn who has turned my world upside down. Lots of thoughts and feels a new mom has. 

As I wake up each day and nurse, change, burp, play (repeat x342938) with our sweet girl, I am constantly reminded how fleeting our days are. Sometimes the days feel long, and yet as I put her down for bed every night, I think to myself, "I never get this day back." In fact, I try to remind myself of that fact during the difficult moments, too. 

I've always "known" that life is short. I've heard it taught and heard people say it and probably have even said it myself. Life is short. Days are fleeting. Don't waste your life. But Lottie has been the vehicle the Lord has used to show me that life really is short. Days really are fleeting. And I don't want to waste a single day I have with her. 

I never realized before actually having a child of my own that they really are only little once. I'm not sure why this has been such a big revelation to me. Maybe because I feel like other people's kids are little for a long time. My friends who have babies seem to have babies for a long time. But now that I have a baby myself....gosh, she's only little once! She's only a month old for one short month. She's only 6 weeks old for ONE WEEK - 7 days - and then she races off to be 7, 8, and now 13 weeks and older and older she gets. Every day older, bigger, smarter. 

Watching her develop is amazing. Watching her discover and become interested in new things and start to show recognition when she sees me or her daddy. Seeing her hold her sweet big head up like a big girl when she does tummy time. Knowing that one of these days soon, she's going to roll over, start laughing, start grabbing for things, be able to sit up on her own, and just keep developing and growing more independent. And she only does all these things ONCE. 

As I watch with complete delight as she grows and changes and reaches milestones and gets cuter by the day, it makes me both sad and incredibly thankful as I think "I never get this day back." She'll never be *this many days* old again. Tomorrow, she'll be one day older, smarter, and cuter. 

And so...
when she refuses to nap for any length of time longer than 30 minutes (or altogether some days),
or screams her head off and I can't figure out why,
or I don't get a single thing done all day...

when she stares straight into my eyes and wants to hold my hands as she is nursing
or smiles her huge sweet smile and coos at me when I talk sweet to her
or melts totally into my arms when I pick her up

It's not wasted. I don't get this day back. 

Teach us to number our days,
    that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
                                           Psalm 90:12